Joyce Pierce April 23rd, 2009
Did you ever see the Michael Keaton movie, “My Life”? It’s a real tear-jerker about a high-powered executive, diagnosed with terminal cancer, who’s forced to make plans for his unborn son. He begins filming a home movie, MY LIFE, in which he teaches his son all the things a man must know: how to shave, how to slam dunk, and, most of all, how to love.
If you haven’t seen it yet, it’s a must see!
I looked at the Internet Movie Database, www.imdb.com and learned that the movie was released in 1993. I remember seeing it as a newly-released movie, and later bought the DVD. Critics might not give the movie a high rating, but I agree with one of the comments made on this site about the movie. “Those of you with fathers, those of you who have lost fathers, and those of you who are fathers should see this movie.” That pretty much includes all of us, doesn’t it?
I lost my father when I was a young mother myself. I was mad at him for 20 years after that because he left me. One of the lines in this movie is, “This whole dying thing wasn’t my idea.” It was a message I needed to hear, and of course, I knew that if my father could have had a say in the matter, he would definitely not have died.
The reason I mention this movie is that I love the way it stresses the importance of keeping records! I’ve been a pretty faithful journal keeper all of my adult life. I encouraged my grandfather to write about his life, and I love reading through it, but I sure wish I would have done a video recording of him TELLING me about his life.
In 1991, which was about five years after my grandfather died, my mother came to visit. At the time, she was 71 years old, and in pretty good health. We had just bought a video recorder because every new grandparent has to have one! I had Mom sit on the couch and I set the recorder up on a tripod. I stood behind it and asked her questions. One of the things I do regret is that I didn’t ever come forward and sit beside her, or even give her a hug. There is no record of ME – I am just the voice behind the video.
Here is how we got started:
Tell me about your grandparents.
What were their names?
What do you remember about each one of them?
What about your parents?
What were there names?
What do you remember about them?
Tell me about your siblings. Start with the oldest.
Tell me his name, birth date, what was he like as a child?
What about your oldest sister?
You get the idea. I don’t remember having a script, and watching and listening to it today, you can tell it’s done by an amateur, but the thing that impresses me the most is that I was actually listening to what she had to say, and trying to get her to expand on the topic.
For instance, when she told me she went to Hornbeak High School, I asked her what she remembered about the school. How many were in your graduating class? Who was your best friend?
You can’t script something when you’re really wanting to find out who they are! You just have to listen.
As incredible as it seems to me now, we kept the camera rolling for almost two full hours! I couldn’t get my mother to write one word about her life, but she loved talking about it.
When we finally stopped, I put the tape away and told Mom I wouldn’t show it to anyone until after she passed away. She talked about some sensitive issues that I wasn’t sure she wanted shared with everyone at that point. It was nothing as sensational as the discovery the kids made in “The Bridges of Madison County,” but just some details that I wanted to make sure were recorded correctly.
Seventeen years later, we can now watch my mother’s life story, just the way she wanted to tell it.
When we were told that Mom didn’t have long to live, I took the tape to the video copy store and had three DVDs made. One for me, and one for my sister. The third one was for my aunt. I brought it home and cried as I watched the mother who was animated and very much alive in 1991. There she was on my television screen: talking, making familiar hand gestures, throwing her head back to laugh, with twinkling eyes that were full of life. This was not the mother I had known in recent years; the mother who had merely existed in a worn out body. The mother who was often confused as a result of prescribed medications.
The day Mom passed away, I showed the video to my sister. She couldn’t watch more than about five minutes of it because the emotion of losing our mother was just too much. But she did say something that will forever live in my memory. “Joyce, I don’t know what inspired you to do this, but if I had nothing else of Mom’s, this would be enough. This is priceless.”
Priceless. It truly is priceless.
The wonderful thing about capturing someone on film is that in some ways, they live on forever.
Grandchildren who only knew their great-grandmother as someone who was dependent on us for her care, can learn to know her as was one of the most INdependent people who ever lived. They can come to know her as we all did, when she was the traveling grandma who came to visit quite often. The grandma who took us out for pizza on Saturdays. The grandma who was plump and very snuggable. The grandma my children loved and enjoyed. The grandma who tried to recapture so much of her youth through her grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
If you’ve got a video camera on the shelf, get it out! Don’t wait for the next family reunion to record those stories. You may not get Uncle Dave to sit still for two hours, but fifteen minutes is better than nothing.
You don’t need to feel like you’re imposing by asking someone to let you tape their story. Wouldn’t you love to think that someone finds you interesting enough to want to capture your life on camera?
Make every moment count!
Joyce Moseley Pierce is a contributing author to the Chicken Soup for the Soul series. She’s the creator of All They’ll Need to Know and owner of Emerson Publications. She’s the Family Preparedness Expert for Ideamarketers.com as well as Women Loving Life Worldwide. Visit www.emersonpublications.com or www.preparedineveryway.com to learn more. Follow Joyce on Twitter @piercejam.
Tags: album, dad, death, history, journal, life, mom, photo
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